woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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