I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
