it wasn't lemon gatorade
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
