god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
