Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
