I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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