I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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