i was born a porn star she said
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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