my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
