She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
