after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
