I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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