are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
