I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize