i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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