we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
