Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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