The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
