it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?