just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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