just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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