You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
