Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
