there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You dont lie about slip and slides
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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