I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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