how can u be prego again
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
