i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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