Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
