if you like me you must not know who I am
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize