sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
