As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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