i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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