Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.