the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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