Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."