If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.