How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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