His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
