OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement