batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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