do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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