i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
