is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
