just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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