Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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