Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
