gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
