I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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