He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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