Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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