you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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