every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
