I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
