I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh god it's open bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
