explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
