Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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