Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I love you.
Bad choice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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