so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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