Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
