my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
