totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
