thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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