Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
