"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
