Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
