i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
