Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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